Forgive Me Martha
After the birth of Ms. Pourchot’s twins six years ago, life
seemed to slip into chaos. The family was eating Toaster Strudels for dinner, the house smelled of
dirty diapers, and an infestation of moths ascended on the kitchen like a team of unfed sumo
wrestlers. She did what she could, but in her mind it was never enough. Rather than crumple under the unreachable
demands of her new life Pourchot began a blog, confessing all of her
hilarious shortcomings to Martha Stewart the “Great Goddess of Domesticity.” The result became Forgive Me Martha an outrageously funny
collection of short stories and poems full of honesty, humour, and humility, sending hope to
those of us who fall short of being perfect. Those who tune in regularly will know that poetry is a passion of mine. The Ferryman's Wife blog is delighted to host a couple of the poems featured in Becky Pourchot's Forgive Me Martha. Please have a read of her wonderfully humorous work, and remember to check out the competition at the end. (Please note: poems are in US English)
Does Beaujolais Pair Well with String Cheese?
I’ve tried my hand at matching fine wines with food,
but Martha,
Goddess of Aged Oak Barrels,
I lack your expertise.
For dinner last night
I paired a mid-bodied Malbec with
soup from a can.
And last week I tried
microwaved chicken fingers
with a French Muscadet,
but neither tasted quite right.
Do you think kiwi-flavored wine coolers
will go well with grilled cheese?
but Martha,
Goddess of Aged Oak Barrels,
I lack your expertise.
For dinner last night
I paired a mid-bodied Malbec with
soup from a can.
And last week I tried
microwaved chicken fingers
with a French Muscadet,
but neither tasted quite right.
Do you think kiwi-flavored wine coolers
will go well with grilled cheese?
Posturpedic Upheaval
Since bed making is such a rare event in our home,
it was quite a big deal
when I changed my sheets yesterday.
The twins jumped
and rolled
on the bare, exposed mattress,
giggling and shouting
until
lunch oozed
out of my son’s mouth,
the color of bright orange sherbet and American cheese.
I have yet to tell my husband—
The mess was on his side of the bed.
Becky Pourchot
it was quite a big deal
when I changed my sheets yesterday.
The twins jumped
and rolled
on the bare, exposed mattress,
giggling and shouting
until
lunch oozed
out of my son’s mouth,
the color of bright orange sherbet and American cheese.
I have yet to tell my husband—
The mess was on his side of the bed.
Becky Pourchot
Becky M. Pourchot is
the author of two semiautobiographical humour books and the Hungry Ghost Series, a
collection of paranormal books for young adults. She lives in Flagler Beach, Florida with her
husband, fourteen year old son, and six year old twins and completely blames her demanding writing
career for the state of her messy home.
!!!COMPETITION!!!
Two winners will received a print copy of Forgive Me Martha.
Winners will be selected by Becky M. Pourchot and Penelope Anne Bartotto.
There is only one way
to win Confess your Worst Mommy Moment via a comment below.
If I was to single out my worst "Mommy Moment" so far, it would probably be the time I got my first ever tablet mobile phone. It was so super-sleek, it slipped out of my grip and went flying into the face of my 4 month old daughter. Shameful! So go on, see if you can do better than that.
International Winners must be willing to pay shipping costs
There are so many, how do I choose? The first worst mommy moment was with my second newborn son. I was doing a sponge bath on my bed and he started to poo. Not the solid kind either. I didn't want to ruin my brand new comforter so I caught it in my hands. Nasty. Royce Hawkins
ReplyDeleteI have loads, a bit of a risque moment but... My daughter was about 9 or so and I'd been to an Anne Summers party and just received a 'Pink Rabbit' through the post, which I'd hidden in my wardrobe out of sight (or so I thought). I picked my daughter up from school and she noticed a packet of batteries on the coffee table. My daughter: 'What are the batteries for Mum?'. Me: 'Mumble, mumble, mumble, eer for the kichen clock, it's losing time a little....' My daughter: 'Oh I thought they were for your new vibrator!!!'
ReplyDeleteIm not sure which one to pick, there are so many! One that comes to mind is when my oldest son had just started walking. I had put up stair gates on the livingroom and kitchen doors so he couldn't get out of the livingroom. One day i was stressed, running around trying to get out the house to make an appointment i was going to be late for. I gabbed my son and went to run out of the livingroom. Not quite use to these gates blocking the exit, i ran right into it, ripped it off the wall and fell onto it, squashing my son between me and gate/floor. Needless to say i never forgot theye were there again.
DeleteMine had to be when Sirona, my 1 year old, fell down the stairs. I ran down the stairs for two seconds to grab some water for her and I heard a thud. I feel like the moment was faster than possible, and yet in slow motion. She knows not to go out the door and there's a gate on the other one...has the gate fallen? I ran the 4 or five meters to the bottom of the stairs, and there she was, face down at the bottom of the stairs. I grabbed her up and held her searching her for broken bones or bleeding cuts, then realised I shouldn't have even moved her. Agh! Man it was a heart stopping moment. Thank goodness she had nothing but a split lip. But that was most definitely my worst moment!
ReplyDelete